我回来了。
这一次是选择了面对，对啊，事情过了这么久，都已经快三个多月了。
我。。。偶尔还是会想起以前的种种，像是以前去过的地方，曾经做过的事。
机场，今天去了，想起曾经坐在后座，牵着的手。看到诗雅他们，也想起了曾经的有说有笑，那一些回忆。我也真正的想了很久，那过去的一切真的只是一个错误，我痛过了，明白了。泪，你比任何人都给得我多，是很开心过， 但是都是短暂的。我不想再自欺欺人，你还是那么地爱她，我的出现只是让你们更加珍惜彼此，更爱对方。
有时候，我也再想到底自己是否真的放下了，害怕某一天突然崩溃，那种不知所措真的好痛苦。还是会期待某天你出现在我面前，你的简讯我也迫不及待地看了，为什么？你曾经的利用难道我都忘了吗？还是会偶尔的想起，偶尔的悲伤， 尤其看到你跟她，为什么？还是会犯贱地去看你跟她的fb, 为什么？我想喜欢已经说不上来了，只是还迷恋那种感觉，那份依赖。
你曾经说过是我让你再重新相信‘信任’这两个字，可笑的事，也是你让我不相信了。。。
至少我重新让你找回了，也祝你们幸福快乐。。。
This is the first time I'm feeling this way I guess. The feeling that you seem to lose control of your ownself, your own thoughts. It seems to be like a war between your heart and mind. You wanted to follow your heart, but your mind refuses to give in. You know that there would be a lot of problems arising, you'ld fall even deeper but you're just willing to.
You no longer care about those things you once thought is important. You gave in; accepted it as it is.
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一个你喜欢，一个喜欢你. 悲哀的是他们都不是同一个人，你会如何选择？
旁观者都应该会选择那个喜欢你的，因为你知道他一定会珍惜你，让你幸福.
但是，我们总是放不下我们喜欢的那个. 我们总是固执，失去理性，义无反顾.
他所做的确实让你感动了，但他所说的话你却听得仔细.
你能感觉到他的关心，但他只是说说你却相信了.
他愿意为你改变，但他却是你想为他改变的.
跟他在一起没有压力，但跟他却很开心.
始终骗不了自己，为那个他寻找每一个理由.
- No matter how many times he has hurt you, he is still the only reason to your smile. -
Tell me why, why we have to be stubborn, to hold on to something that we know we shouldn't be.
That's the feeling that we can't explain, and sometimes then we realise that it's not the person who has hurt us again and again. It's our stubbornness.
Well, I should get that question off my mind. Haha, it's my off-day finally! Such a bossy boss eh, only let me off once a week, still don't let me complain, finding every other reason to get me to work. Sighhh, I always lose in the argument of ours. -.- And gosh, having sore throat and cough now, so 辛苦! Haha, must act 可怜.
Oh well, tmr must get into some real exercise. I've became so lazy, once get seated on the sofa or lied on the bed, then nua-ed there already. Don't feel like moving, every movement seems like a chore to me. Ahaha, exaggerated! No no I should really exercise more, can't get anymore fatter! Almost everyday has been eating after 10pm, at this rate sure will gain weight! Nonono ARGHHH!
And one last thing, I'm planning to go to my fav place soon so I can't wait to! ♥
Finally, I kind of understand that feeling.
就是那从内心发出的冷淡，不再特地的去在乎，不再特地的去关心，不再特地的去挽回一切。
一切好像都无所谓了，你的感受我不想再知道，一些误会我也不想再解释。都不重要了。
原来是这样，原来被伤了很深是这样，你不会再生气，不会再伤心，而是让时间来淡化这一切。
TIRED. Sick and tired of every single thing, just wanting to be happy.
Well, the only moment that I'm truly happy is when I'm with my friends, I want to be with them.
But I'm like the one who is suggesting everything, I'm not sure if they really wanted to.
I feel like I'm bothering them with my own pathetic problems. Am I thinking too much AGAIN?
I want to be out of here, to be in a place that I have never been before.
I don't want to stick to this routine, it's destroying me, it makes me feel like a living zombie.
I feel like I've lost myself somewhere, can't seem to find it back. Terrible.
Looking back the posts that I've written, months ago, years ago.
I seemed to be more and more gloomy and negative, all I do to this blog is all rantings and complains.
No more things that I'm looking forward to anymore. No more drive and motivation to do anything anymore.
Gosh, since when I've became like that and why do I become someone I don't used to know anymore?
And now, I'm not even determined to change for better, and allow my life to be wasted just like that.
And again, I start to grumble. SIGHHH. Happiness seems to be so impossible.
Sometimes, when people think of you at those random times, don't be too happy.
Don't be too glad that you're on their mind, it might not be that case.
They might just need your help or they're just too lonely.
Probably you're the last person that they could think of to approach to.
That's why, appreciate those who sometimes would just ask you "How're you doing right now?" and nothing much more. At least, they're truly concern about you and hope you're doing fine as well. And not just when they need a favour out of you.
原来这一切，所有的一切都是谎言，你所编制的美丽的谎言.
可是谎言始终都会被揭穿的，现在我终于看清了.
一再的被你欺骗，一次又一次的选择原谅，最后被伤的遍体鳞伤的只是自己.
我承认被你气哭了，可是这不就是你想要看到的吗？
呵呵，这是最后一次了，以后都不再重要了.
原来我在你眼里只是一个傻子，让你骗的团团转.
原来我在你眼里只是一个代替品，让你补上那空虚的位置.
原来我在你眼里什么都不是，可有可无.
我所说的每个对不起都是真心诚意的，对你来说却无所谓.
一再的忍让是因为还在乎，可是那将都会是过去了.
过去了，就不会再抱怨了，不会再去解释，不会再过问，不会再提到以前了.
谢谢你让我看清了这一切，教会我不应该轻易的相信别人.
我会记得这一点的. 其他的就没有必要了.
你想要删除掉，就删除吧.
你决定要死心了，就死了这条心吧.
你想要胡言乱语，就去说吧.
我已经不在乎了，连朋友也没得做也没关系了，结束了，真的.
I'm not trying to get nasty over here, because I know that all these sadness would soon be over.
But I just need a place to rant everything out, so that I can forget all these as soon as possible.
Do you know what? It actually started well, and I tried to get ourselves into a nice conversation. Yes, I've to get myself trying. I don't know why, because every time if we dine out, it will turn out bad. Well, it's not an exception for today too, I ruined it by saying something I shouldn't have. I guess that's the problem that I've to get myself changed, but am I not the only one who should change as well?
Frankly speaking, I've the thought that you would do that to me. But it turned out it's another way round, and I was waiting for you to do the same thing to me too, you didn't. Everything that I said, you've to tweak it into an unpleasant way. Why, why can't we just have that same frequency, why I've done the same thing as him, but I got it treated differently. It's really hard sometimes to convince myself that you're not biased towards both of us. I'm a blockhead, if you've anything to say, please don't beat around the bush, I won't get it. They told me to put myself in your shoes and understand your point of view, but being a little selfish, I'ld like to ask that have you put yourself in my shoes then?
It's not like before anymore, it really pains me to get to think of that. We're those two who find it hard to express our feelings well, so often we got each other wronged. But I really, really don't want it to happen. Mummy, I still love you as much. As much as before, my love for you will never change. Do you know that? I'm still the same girl as before, who needs your hugs and kisses. But how to get myself to tell you that? How to get myself to say 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry'? I really don't know how, Mummy.
Mummy, I still love you. As much as before.
